ok first thing is first please don't ask me about it! that's why I'm putting it up here! and please don't ask me if i am doing the right thing and ask if i will regret it later! the answer is yes i am doing the right thing and yes i probably will regret it but that's what i will deal with later.
the main reasons for me coming home are lots, i haven't really felt happy while i have been here at all, i feel lonely and out of place. i'm just not happy at all and i have this feeling inside me that's is just eating me up and makes me feel so sick i can't just stand it any longer. i miss every one at home and even a simple thing like talking to them takes planing. and that's not how i want to live my life
also i have been let down alot while i have been here, work, friends etc! and that has been getting me down! as well as frustrated and angry and has ending up costing me a hell of a lot of money.
its hard to explain feeling the way i feel and i know i should maybe have given it a little longer but the pain it is given me is unbearable. imagine being in a forest, lost and its cold, dark and you can see now way of getting out at all your stuck and scared with no way out! that's how i feel. only i do have a way out, and yes it maybe is the easy way out but I'm taking it and that's home!
look travailing and living in another country is not for every one! i thought it was for me! as it turns out it isn't at all i need to be around people i love and Care about (yes staying at the farm has been soo nice and my Auntie Carole and Uncle Simon have been brilliant at making me feel welcome) i have learnt that i don't seem to look at the whole picture before doing things, i just think of the good things and cast the bad aside! and something that 'seems idealistic' is probaley not and what really matters is what your heart is telling you not your head because your head can forget your hart never does. (god i'm making it sound like i'm breaking up with some one)
so there that why i'm feeling the way i do! Ellen i'm sorry just proves you are strong and brave and i really admire you! and well done! i am so sorry though! i do feel i have let you down a bit! xx
i know you all seems to want whats best for me (well most of you) and it is let me deal with the after effects!
thank you all that have followed but i guess this will be one of the last posts!
Thanks Adam xxx
